Book Review: When You Say “Thank You" Mean It by Mary O’Donohue

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With Easter ending today, many of us may feel the need for this book, after seeing how our kids acted when given gifts at church, Easter Egg hunts or family events. It came at a really good time, as we are working on setting up a schedule for Kiddo over the summer and it will be excellent to add some of the author's ideas into some learning plans over the summer!


Synopsis: 

Did you have the parent's nightmare this weekend? Your child opens a gift from a well-meaning friend/family member/church member, and instead of, "thank you so much!" they say nothing. Then comes the awkward silence, when the adult has to step in and prompt the child (usually with a  "What do you say?" ). Then comes the sigh, an eye roll, and then hopefully a forced: "thaaank youuuu." The recipient gets their thank you, but was it heart felt? Nope. Was the parent embarrassed at the bad manners of their child? Yup. 

This type of situation triggered O'Donohue, herself a mother of two kids,to the idea that "prompting children to "say thank you" is merely training them to "act" grateful-It doesn't teach them to be grateful people". And it also occurs with the other core values we try to teach them, such as "say you're sorry" or "say please". They don't learn to be remorseful or 

respectful, just to say the words. 

"The ideal age range for teaching kids gratitude is between ages 5 and 12, because after that, O'Donohue says, parents often get push-back from their kids", says O' Donohue. In a practical program that allows parents to impart timeless values in their children over the course of one year, the program includes such great ideas as making a gratitude board, creating respect tiles, and making a compassion in action calendar.  O'Donohue also shares what she learned from applying the program to her own life.

Review: We've ALL been there, no matter what age our kids are/were and know EXACTLY the moment that urged O'Donohue to action. If we're honest, we've all been there ourselves (shall we discuss those pushed to the back of closet Christmas presents that you send to Goodwill when you clean out the closet? How did you act when they were given to you? In fact, it is this core issue that our pastor and I discussed right before this book arrived, in determined where the Sunday School and teen classes needed to be. Our kids get confirmed and then they disappear from church (I see you nodding your head)- and this is where we fail them. We should be imparting core values into real life experiences, to teach the about adult life. So for us, this book will serve multiple purposes-both at home and at church classes.

i don't know about you, but in our family we were taught to write Thank You notes for every gift, no matter how small. It wasn't just a futile exercise. The idea was to teach us gratitude-by taking OUR time to acknowledge the gift formally, we were acknowledging the time/effort the person took to find us the gift. By making us come up with something nice to say about the gift and it's uses to us, it forced us to see the gift as something more than just an object. Frequently in doing so, if it wasn't a gift we particularily wanted or needed, by doing this exercise, we might realize who COULD use the gift and sent us off to pass on the gift to someone else. It may have been time consuming, but the lesson it taught us was lifelong. The lessons in this book are very similar.

Making values FUN and INTERESTING helps to instill them in kids. By coming up with simple exercises that make a value part of everyday life, means making a HABIT that will hopefully stick with kids. O' Donohue has done this for every month: there are three activities – one that is quick and is as simple as sitting down and asking your kids how they can show respect to their teacher. 5 minutes and you can be done. I can guarantee that the next time your child raises their hand in class, they will remember the 5 minute lesson and think "I'm showing respect". AHA_ lightbulb moment! 

There is also a once a week half hour exercise that explores a different part of the value. An example would be putting types of being respectful into a hat and every day draw out one and that can be the child's goal for the day. At the end of the day, you can discuss how everyone did and ways they could have done it better.

The last exercise is a once a month exercise, were you have your kids show what they've learned about the value of the month. It can be as simple as a letter, or more involved, say taking items to a homeless shelter. 

I highly recommend this book for all parents, AND for teachers and religious personnel. The book has many exercises that are simple and can be for a preschool, teen or adult curriculum to force outside the box thinking!

About the Author: Mary has been married for fifteen years, and has two children. She has had a long career in television production, working for ABC, CBS, and NBC networks, as well as MTV. She's an avid traveler, loves to read and has a passion for photography. (She's like us!) She plans to donate at least 10 percent, of her author's profits, to charities benefitting families and education. Check out her website for more.

Disclosure / Disclaimer: I received this book for review purposes, free of charge, from Bookspark PR.  No other compensation, monetary or in kind, has been received or implied for this post. Nor was I told how to post about the book.