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Thursday, October 1, 2009

Giveaway/CLOSED: Stepmonster, A New Look at Real Stepmothers by Wednesday Martin, PhD


It's October already- YEAH YEAH YEAH!


And I thought about it and decided we needed a "Halloween" based book giveaway once a week (you know me- books rule!). I could give ya'll candy, but let's be honest- you're gonna get MORE than enough of that in a mere 4 weeks! Sooner, if you have weekend before events, like we do!


So going down the Cinderella path, up for the 1st Halloween book giveaway we have
Stepmonster, A New Look at Why REAL Stepmothers Think, Feel& Act the Way They Do, by Wednesday Martin, PhD.


A groundbreaking and truly stepmother-centered way of understanding the tensions that seem to define relations between women and their stepchildren
Stepmonster is an empowering, original, and realistic book  that offers a completely new way of looking at women in relationships with men who have children. 
Stepmonster unlocks the emotional mysteries of why they think and feel and act the way they do. Martin draws on her own experience as a stepmother, interviews many stepmothers and stepchildren, and gathers insights from literature, psychology, and evolutionary biology to reveal the little-understood realities of this demanding role. 

Rather than focusing on how such re-partnering affects the child, Martin explores stepfamily life and dynamics from the stepmother’s point of view, asking how remarriage with children affects her — psychologically, socially, and economically. Martin's fascinating insights — from anthropology, literary criticism, psychology, and evolutionary biology —  reveal the little understood realities of this most demanding role, Martin unlocks the mysteries of why stepmothers think, feel, and act the way they do.

Half of all women in the United States will live with or marry a man with children. And what woman with stepchildren has not -- in order to defuse the often overwhelming challenges and anxieties she experiences -- referred to herself as a "stepmonster"? (truly, how many o fyou my readers, our family members or friends are step-mothers? Did you have a step-mother?)

Stepmonster illuminates the harrowing process of becoming a stepmother, exposes the myths and realities of being married to a man with children, counteracts the prevailing notion that stepmothers are solely responsible for the problems they encounter, identifies the five "step-dilemmas" that create conflict, and considers the emotional and social challenges men with children face when they remarry. Stepmonster also sheds light on the history of step-mothering and the previously overlooked legacy of women with stepchildren everywhere. 
Finally, in an unexpected twist, Martin shows why the myth of the Wicked Stepmother is at once an elaborate cultural fiction and our single best tool for understanding who real stepmothers are and how they feel.


Check out a preview of the book here and her blog here!


And here's some Q&A from the author herself!

Q: What were your impressions going into a partnership with a man with kids?


A: My initial thought was “My friends’ kids all love me. So my boyfriend’s kids will love me too. If I’m nice and loving, I’ll get back what I give” — and all those other hopeful, naïve expectations. In fact, what we know from the research is that if a kid feels torn about liking his stepmom, the kinder and more attractive she is to that kid, the more she’ll be rejected.

Q: But there are plenty of women out there who have great relationships with their stepkids.


A: As a culture, we think that all women should love all children all the time, and assume that if there’s trouble between stepmom and stepkids, it’s stepmom’s fault. The truth is that there are some good relationships out there between moms and stepkids! But when things are good between stepmom and stepchild, it’s invariably due to very specific circumstances, not because the stepmom is being a good person who keeps trying.

Q: Well, the stepmother is in fact the adult in the family, isn’t she?


A: She certainly is. But what we now know is that stepchildren, particularly adolescents and preadolescents, are the main initiators of conflict in stepfamilies with a stepmom. We also know that divorced dads with part-time or full-time custody tend to be permissive, even extremely permissive, parents.


Q: Are there any warning signs about the kind of guy with children a woman should avoid?


A: A couple of caveats here. First, this isn’t a book of advice — it asks lots of questions and looks at stepmothering from lots of different angles rather than offering neat, cut-and-dried solutions. In some sense, I feel women have to make their own mistakes, just like I did. Also, if you have a list of ways a guy with kids has to behave if you’re going to get serious with him, it will rule out most guys with kids, because they tend to be what I call a “Disney Dad” or a “Yes Dad,” the kind of parent who wants time with his kids to be all about fun, and so he tends to let them throw their towels on the floor, talk with their mouths full, and even be nasty to dad’s girlfriend.


All of which is to say that I think getting involved with a man with kids requires a leap of faith. Inevitably there are going to be problems, even if you blind yourself to that in the beginning, out of necessity. So my advice would be, if you can’t communicate with this guy, if you can’t argue effectively, if the two of you can’t fight productively, that would be the biggest sign that the relationship probably won’t work out.




Giveaway:
One copy of

Stepmonster, A New Look at Why REAL Stepmothers Think, Feel& Act the Way They Do, by Wednesday Martin, PhD.
courtesy of FSB Associates


Entries:

Make sure I have an e-mail address, with your comment, so I can contact you, if you win!
If I don't have a way to contact you, you will forfeit your win!

Anyone over 18 and resident of US can enter!


Please post each entry separately, i.e. 2 posts for subscribing:
- Subscribe to the blog (1 entry)
(Please note I use Feedburner, which means you MUST click on the link in the

email sent to you to ACTIVATE the subscription, or your entry will NOT count)

- Follow this blog (1 entry)
- Enter/have entered any of the other Welcome to Fall Ya'll giveaways
(let me know which ONE you entered) (1 entry ONLY)
- Put the "Welcome to Fall Ya'll" Button on your blog or website (2 entries)
- Follow me on Twitter AND tweet about this contest (2 entries)
- Blog about this giveaway (3 entries)



Contest will end on October 10th, at midnight. Winner will be picked by Random Number (random.org) on October 11th, and emailed. As soon as winner's info is received from winner, it will be forward to FSB, and they will mail the book to the winner directly!






20 comments:

  1. I never had a step-mom. But I have been a step-mom for almost 6 years. ANd sometimes it can be pretty rough. Now that his daughter is about to be 12 going on 25. Oh my......

    ReplyDelete
  2. I subscribe to Bless Their Hearts Mom

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am a subscriber.
    Stacyntx77@aol.com

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  4. I can't believe you didn't tell me about this book! I checked it out and definitly have to get it. You know the insanity that I am going through with the oldest stepkid. Checked out the blogs from her site too. I didn't know I was not the only stepparent that was pulling her hair out..LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I had 2 exes who had custody of their kids. The kids were the best part of the marriages.

    google reader follower

    lkish77123 at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  6. I entered the Cleopatra glass style ring giveaway

    lkish77123 at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  7. I follow

    kdhaney (AT) gmail (DOT) com

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm a stepmom and would love to have this. I'm a follower.
    pbclark(at)netins(dot)net

    ReplyDelete
  9. I entered the Halloween cookie cooking set giveaway.
    pbclark(at)netins(dot)net

    ReplyDelete
  10. such a random book but it's nice to get the other side of the story! :)

    dreamzz12{at}aol{dot}com

    ReplyDelete
  11. subscriber


    dreamzz12{at}aol{dot}com

    ReplyDelete
  12. follower


    dreamzz12{at}aol{dot}com

    ReplyDelete
  13. entered you've got mail


    dreamzz12{at}aol{dot}com

    ReplyDelete
  14. I subscribe through email/blogger.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I follow your blog
    plb8156@aol.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. I follow on twitter & tweeted
    http://twitter.com/plb8156/status/4695324070
    plb8156@aol.com

    ReplyDelete
  17. I have a Stepmom & she's the best. Thanks for the great giveaway!

    gevin13{at}gmail{dot}com

    ReplyDelete
  18. I follow your blog

    gevin13{at}gmail{dot}com

    ReplyDelete

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