Disclosure / Disclaimer: I received this ebook from the author, free of charge, for review purposes on this blog. No compensation, monetary or in kind, has been received or implied for this post. Nor was I told how to post about it, all opinions are my own
Do you ever feel like you’re constantly fighting an uphill battle trying to stay connected and engaged with your tween/teen daughter?
You may even be trying to achieve or maintain some sort of balance in your relationship with her. Finding the right equation to achieve that balance is crucial, and this book aims to help you.
Synopsis:
What worries you most about your relationship with your tween/teenage daughter?
Are you finding it harder and harder to communicate with her? Is she getting advice from her friends instead of listening to you? Do you find yourself reacting to inevitable situations, instead of planning for them?
Your relationship with your tween/teen girl is the most important female bond in her life. Why waste time with trial and error? Award-winning Author, Parenting Skills Coach, and Educator Deborah Ann Davis has drilled down three decades of accumulated experience with tween/teenagers into specific strategies you can start using today. Discover how to:
•Broach touchy subjects with a moody middle-schooler
•Deal with button pushing, envelope stretching, and adolescent angst
•Teach your walking volcano how to better relate to you and her world
•Pursue an emotionally satisfying relationship with your teenage daughter
•Reduce mom stress by attacking 3 major myths:
oThe Guilt is Appropriate Myth
oThe Supermom Myth
oThe Plenty-of-Time Myth
No matter what she says or does, your daughter is depending on you to know how to cultivate and maintain the relationship you both want. Now you don’t have to figure it out on your own. Put an end to eye-rolling, sigh-heaving, and door-slamming with love and compassion (and a bit of humor thrown in for good measure).
Excerpt:
The airlines got it right... On every flight, they instruct you to first cover your face with the oxygen mask and then put the mask on your child. The same applies when you are outside the plane. You have to take care of you before you can take care of your child. If you are not managing your pressures, you will not be able to help them deal with their stressors.
Here is the first major parent myth you should take note of:
Myth #1: The Guilt Myth
Somehow society has nurtured disproportionate respect of guilt. I’m not saying that there is no place for guilt. 'New Guilt' actually has one constructive purpose: To make you aware of the problem. Sometimes we allow certain issues to generate guilty feelings. Occasionally, we allow an incident to produce the overwhelming, incapacitating guilt that makes it impossible to think clearly.
If you are one to carry 'Old Guilt' like it’s a badge of (dis)honor, stop it! 'Old Guilt' does not do you any good. It contributes stress chemicals to your bloodstream that wreak havoc with your body on a cellular level. It also does nothing to improve the situation.
Here are the four steps to eliminating Old Guilt:
- Do whatever is necessary to make sure that the situation does not get worse
- Make any repairs you can to the situation
- Ask for forgiveness from anyone negatively impacted from the situation. Move on if they do not forgive you at that time.
- You must lastly forgive yourself for the situation. If you could have done better in the situation, you would have. Cut yourself some slack when you err. Just make sure you learn from your mistakes and move on in peace.
Review:
I have a theory that there are different types of moms, just like there are different types of kids, and therefore all parenting books won't apply to any given parent/child dynamic. Such is the case with this book. It's pop psychology laced with cognitive behavior therapy. It's replicating theories, but putting them in plainer language and fun sounding subheadings, to attract us to reading them. Hey if that works for you and your child, great!
Yes, as parents we all need to take care of our own issues and put ourselves first. And that's great if you're not a full time working single parents dealing with EVERYTHING on your own. You need to have somebody to watch the kids while you go do your own thing, for example, and what if you don't HAVE a corral of people to choose from? Burn out works both ways. Add in COVID, and you may not have the ability to do as she suggests. Plus, if you've been homeschooling also, you've already gone through the 'ownership' and getting kids involved in choices, and checking your personality versus theirs. So much of this book you've already worked on, just to function as teacher AND mom.
Additionally, when your child has other behavior or attention disorders, guess what? These 'tricks' don't work well, because your child will see through them in 2.5 seconds, and then you're worse than you were before (as happened when I tried some of her 'techniques' with Miss Grace), with more teen anger and NEW issues of trust added to the top of the list. If you have a kid who can see big pictures, they're focusing on the time-honored power struggle, at this age, versus cooperation and sharing, that you've already been doing. Honestly, I feel like the bond we have is already established. The book is really meant for those who don't have that bond with their daughter.
Honestly, my mother and I fought like crazy and once I moved out, we were best of friends. and were to her death. She didn't need tricks to get through it, she needed patience and understanding. I think sometimes we get so caught up in 'modern parenting', that we forget there are normal psychological phases, and it is GOOD for kids to go through them. But having said that, and how it did NOT work for us, maybe it will work for you and your daughter. Maybe you need the outside help that this book can provide.
About the Author
Deborah Ann Davis, Award-winning Author, Parenting Skills Coach, and 20+ year high school teacher, has drilled down three decades of accumulated experience with tween/teenagers into specific balance and connection-building strategies all moms can utilize in her newest book, “How to Keep Your Daughter From Slamming The Door”,
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